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like: Symptoms Chapter
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“The impaired, distorted ‘reality’ that I am accustomed to feeling and experiencing just showed up. As has been its habit, during the last six years, my depression episode has taken on a life of its own. It usually lasts for about two or three hours during which the most prevalent symptom is a feeling of powerlessness, a sense of discomfort and a sense of unreality - as if I am not here, yet nowhere, but wanting to be somewhere. |
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In other words, a feeling that you do not exist as a human being; yet you breathe, you look but you do not see, you do not want to be but you are. You are trying desperately, very desperately to be present; it is as if you are leaving the scene of life, as if you are taken away from reality, indeed, from the world. And, of course, you hate it, you really hate feeling it. A lot of feelings and emotions come to your mind but the most fervent one is that this torture must end right here, right now- but it does not. Time, then becomes your master. You feel that time never passes. Seconds, minutes, hours and days become eternal. Agony, yes, agony is the best word to describe this obnoxious feeling. You give up on yourself, you give up on life, you do not care about anything and you doubt anything cares about you.………..” |
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